


Shenanigans

by FassyAnon



Category: American Actor RPF, Chris Evans - Fandom, Jeremy Renner - Fandom
Genre: Body Shots, Lime, Multi, Salt, Tequila, ass, cleavage, neck, thigh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-25 08:30:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3803707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FassyAnon/pseuds/FassyAnon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jimmy Kimmel Live, greenroom, tequila, shenanigans</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shenanigans

I was running so late, and traffic was absolutely awful.

Tamara, Tammy, my absolute best friend in the entire world, had asked if she should pick me up, if we should carpool, but nooooo. I had to come myself. It would have been so much easier if we had carpooled.

Tammy had won tickets at a raffle to a taping of Jimmy Kimmel Live. Her husband, Mark, had been called out of town and she had an extra ticket. She’d called me (I’d been in the middle of a meeting with a client) and asked if I wanted to go. I spent so little time with her now that she was married that I jumped at the chance. It was an early taping and we were looking forward to grabbing some dinner and drinks after, catching up.

But I was so late.

She’d wanted to get there early. Her tickets entitled us to access to the greenroom and she wanted to take advantage of the bar before the show. Tammy hated to drink alone, though. I didn’t blame her. She’d been known to get into trouble, as in dancing on the tables kind of trouble, if she was by herself. She just wanted to be liked, to fit in, to be one of the crowd, so she’d have a couple too many drinks to feel lubricated enough to talk to people she didn’t know.

Mark knew, all too well, what she was like when she was left to her own devices. It was how they’d met.

Tammy texted me about an hour before I was supposed to leave, letting me know that there was some big movie premiere going on and that there was no parking. I needed to take a taxi if I wanted to be at the taping.

Great. One more thing.

I wasn’t going to have time to change so I was stuck in my dress. At least it was one I liked. I’d been working out, getting into even better shape now that Keith was definitely in my past and had recently had a couple of suits and dresses altered for my new body. This one didn’t look quite right until I paired the deep purple fabric with a wide black belt, cinching it in tightly at the waist. One of the attorneys I worked with gave me a high five in the office that morning, telling me that Keith was going to regret letting me go.

“Keith who?”

She and I had a good laugh.

When we got to the building, I gave the driver the directions I’d been given for the entrance I was supposed to use. After paying I grabbed my briefcase and purse and got out. I was happy my name was on the list and I was given directions to where I was supposed to go. I checked my phone, seeing that I was there fifteen minutes after I was supposed to get there.

Then my phone rang and I had to take it. We were getting ready to take several depositions in a case we were working and were in the middle of strategizing our tactics. It was the senior partner I was working with. Great. Here I was, trying to relax and I couldn’t get a couple of hours off.

I was on the phone when I walked into the room. There was so much noise and chaos. There were people everywhere and I was trying to direct my boss down the right path without having to pull out my laptop. I just needed 30 seconds of peace and quiet, but I wasn’t going to get that.

“Martin, the strategy is all there, line by line, in the document I sent right before I left. It would be the last one you received from me today.”

“I don’t see the email, Lucy.”

“Hold on.” I checked my phone and sure enough, I’d sent it. “Timestamp is 3:47. Look for something from me at that time. It has how they’re coming up with the valuation and why their logic is flawed and the tactic to use to get them to admit their mistake.”

“There it is.”

“You found it, good.”

“I need you to walk me through this.”

“No, I cannot walk you through it right now, not with this crazy place I’ve walked into. It needs to wait until morning.”

“We’ve got the meeting at 7:30, can you walk me through it before then?”

“Yeah, I can walk you through it at 6:30, before we meet with them. Look, I know you’re point on this, but if you want, I’ll be happy to take point on this meeting.”

“Let’s just wait and see, okay?”

“Of course, Martin. I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Bye.”

I wanted to yell. I really wanted to scream. Instead, I turned the ringer of my phone off and dropped my purse and bag on a chair. I needed a drink.

If only all my wishes were answered as quickly as that one.

I turned around and saw two men, vaguely familiar, each holding two shot glasses of some sort of amber-ish liquor.

“What are these?”

“You need to catch up to us.” I could have stared at the eyes of the shorter of the two all night.

“But what is it?”

“Tequila.” And I could have stared at the shoulders of the taller gentleman for equally as long.

I held my hands up, keeping the shot glasses at bay.

“Oh, no. Tequila and I have an understanding. I am not to go anywhere near it.”

The taller of the two gentlemen got a gleam in his eye upon hearing that.

“Really. Do tell.”

“Mexico. Spring break my senior year.” Starting with my thumb, I counted the things I could remember. “There was a beach involved. I think there was some nudity. And sand. Lots and lots of sand in places it shouldn’t have been.”

“We need to hear this story.”

I turned to the other gentleman. He wasn’t looking me in the eye. No sir. I didn’t blame him, though. I do have a pretty fantastic rack and this dress definitely displayed it well. I ducked my head down to catch his eye and laughed with him as he got a look on his face. At least he didn’t act sheepish.

“That is the story. Tequila won that round, and I ceded. That’s why we have an understanding.”

“Aw, come on, just one?”

“You know, women really aren’t supposed to take drinks from strange men, especially if they didn’t see it poured.”

“Marvel would have our hides if we ever did something like that.”

“Marvel?” The lightbulb went off. “That’s why you look familiar! You are, don’t say it, Renner. Jeremy Renner, with the murderous resting face.” I couldn’t help but laugh. He didn’t have his resting face on, which was a good thing. “And you are Torch… America, no,” I started giggling and couldn’t control myself. Someone in my office had given him a nickname, but I sure wasn’t going to repeat it. “Chris Evans. There we go. That’s why you guys look familiar.”

“What is so funny about me?”

“It’s not you you, just someone I work with has a nickname for you.”

“What’s my nickname?”

“I am not telling you.”

“You can’t bring it up and then not say what it is!”

“Um, you bet your sweet ass I can.”

“Oh, come on. Come on, please?”

I schooled the look on my face, getting myself under control quickly.

“Nope. Not gonna.”

“I think you just lost that one, brother.”

“I bet I can get her to tell me.”

“Why do I have the feeling that that bet would have something to do with shots of tequila?”

“You are a smart woman. Come with me. Hey, Jeremy, go grab the tequila.”

“Dude, no, seriously?”

“Yeah. Come one. Let’s have some fun.” Chris pocketed the salt shaker and grabbed a couple of limes from the bar, quickly quartering them. He got several looks as he did it. He wrapped his arm around my neck, forcing me to walk with him.

“Come on, gorgeous. You are coming with me.”

We headed out and down the hall to another room. I was assaulted by the silence when we stepped into a dressing room just a few doors down. Chris left the door open, I assumed for Jeremy to find us.

“So tell me, who are you and what do you do?”

We sat on the couch and turned towards each other.

“I am Lucy and I’ll tell you what I do as long as you promise not to hold it against me.”

“That sounds ominous.” Jeremy had joined us and closed the door, sitting in the chair opposite us.

“Not ominous, just, people’s eyes glaze over when they hear what I do.”

“Now I have to know.”

“I’m an M&A lawyer.”

“MNA?”

“I specialize in mergers and acquisitions.

I heard the buzzing of fake snoring next to me and found Chris with his head on the back of the sofa, eyes closed. I lightly slapped him on the ribs and surprised him, given how much he startled.

“That’s not funny.” Yeah, I was giggling.

“I bet you’ve got a decent poker face.”

I turned back to Jeremy.

“I’ve never played.”

“You’ve never played poker?”

“Well, there was one time, but it doesn’t count.”

“Did you play or didn’t you?”

“I held cards, but I didn’t bet.”

“Why not?” I could tell Jeremy wasn’t getting it.

“Let me guess. Strip poker?”

My grin answered Chris’s enquiry.

“Then we won’t do strip poker.” I was so glad Chris agreed with me.

“Good, because I wouldn’t.”

“I know. We play for body shots.”

“No. No!”

“Oh yeah, great idea, Jeremy.”

“No, crap. For crying out loud.” I hid my face in my hands. “If this ever got out… not that I would ever tell anyone, mind you, but I’d probably lose all of my girlfriends if they found out that I didn’t. Shit. I gotta do it, don’t I?”

“Sounds like it.”

“Don’t congratulate yourself too quickly there, Chris. Which one of you has a deck of cards?” I was sure I was going to get out of it.

“I’ve got one on my phone.”

The guys gave each other a high five. I knew I was in trouble.

Jeremy figured out how to get it to work for poker. All I knew was I was in trouble.

When I won the first hand with a pair of 5’s, I figured they’d both thrown the hand to get me to drink a shot. _Fine_ , I thought. Go ahead and take one shot. Just make sure to lose all the rest. I did not need to get wasted.

As much as I wanted to get racy, I decided to play it relatively safe. A quick game of eeny meeny miny moe and Jeremy was it. I handed him the lime which he put between his teeth. I stood behind him and gently moved his head forward so I had access to the back of his neck. I didn’t like salt and lime, I preferred sugar and lemon with tequila, but I wasn’t about to complain.

I licked the spot right below his hairline and sprinkled some salt and then licked it off. The tequila burned on its way down and I tilted his head back as I fought the tears in my eyes. I bit the lime from between his teeth and chewed on it, dribbling a little as I stood up. I wiped the drops from his lips and apologized.

“That was pathethic.”

“Chris! I haven’t had any social lubricant yet, so gimme a break!”

“Are you saying you need lubricant, Lucy?”

I dissolved into giggles.

“You know what, Chris? You can go to town on Jeremy next time. You know, that might be fun to watch.” I couldn’t stop laughing, and they were just looking at me.

“Oh good god. Just, deal the next hand.”

The tequila hit me pretty quickly. I hadn’t eaten since lunch and it must have hit my bloodstream with a vengeance. I felt a warm glow come over me and couldn’t stop smiling.

This time, Chris won, and chose me, which really wasn’t a surprise.

“You ready?”

“Sure. Do your worst.”

I know a lot of his fans think he’s the boy next door. Let me tell you: had he been the boy next door to me, I would have failed every single class I ever took.

He straddled me, standing tall with his knees on either side of my lap. With just his finger, he traced a line from the hollow of my throat to my chin, tilting my head back, as far back as he could. When he got to the tip of my chin, he pushed on it, opening my mouth and putting the wedge of lime all the way in. I couldn’t help the grin as I closed my jaw, not knowing _exactly_ what he was going to do next. I didn’t want to lose the lime.

“Now that’s interesting,” I heard from Jeremy

Chris tilted my head to the side, giving him plenty of skin with which to work. He took his time licking a warm, wet stripe up my neck before sprinkling salt. He took longer to suck the salt off, absolutely all of it, lingering, even biting. I closed my eyes and let myself go, enjoying the moment.

After he’d had his shot, he grabbed my jaw and turned me back to him as he descended. I’d decided to make him work for the lime so I didn’t cave right away and open my mouth. Hell, tell me that if Chris Evans was doing a body shot off of you that you wouldn’t do the exact same thing. Or, maybe you’d cave. No judgment.

When I wouldn’t open for him, he grabbed my bottom lip with his teeth, tugging. That was what got my jaw to relax. He sealed his lips over mine and I tasted the tequila as he went fishing for the lime with his tongue. It took him a bit, but he finally got the wedge into his mouth. I thought he’d pull back to bite down, but he had other ideas.

It was messy when his teeth closed over the tart fruit, juice spurting out and dribbling into my mouth. He kept biting and juice kept flowing. He didn’t stop the kiss until the wedge had no liquid left. When he pulled back, we both were wiping our mouths with the backs of our hands.

When I finally regained my composure I had to give him praise. “Damn, that was hot, Chris. Nicely done.” I like to do that when someone does something unexpected. And hot!

“I don’t want to have to wait for cards. Do you have a problem with that?” Jeremy sounded eager and who was I to refuse.

“Nope, no problem.” I was glad we were past the pretense. I like it when a man knows what he wants.

“I need some room to work, man. I need you over there.”

Chris chuckled as he relocated to the chair Jeremy had vacated.

“The only thing I ask, Lucy, is if I go too far, let me know.”

“Noted. I think it’s your turn to do your worst.”

“It won’t be my worst, but it’ll definitely be bad.”

“Ooo, I like the sound of that. Bring it.”

He also straddled me, and he definitely took charge. He put both of his hands at the base of my neck and worked his way up, thumbs leading the way. That man’s hands were a work of art: strong, thick knuckles, long fingers. I would’ve been happy if he’d just stopped there.

He also tilted my head back, but he kept going. He led me to recline against the back of the couch. When he opened my jaw, he didn’t put the wedge all the way in. Instead, he had me bite only hard enough to hold it in place.

“Don’t let me take this out of your mouth.”

I hummed my approval.

I heard liquid being poured right before I felt his warm, wet tongue start at the hollow of my throat and work down before he turned around and worked his tongue down into my cleavage. He lingered there for a while and I felt _his_ hum of approval before salt was spilled onto me. I’d thought Chris took his time, but Jeremy had him beat by a mile. His tongue snuck down between my tits several times before he was sure he’d cleaned me of all salt. I felt him knock back the shot before his lips found mine, sealing the lime between us before he bit, releasing all the juice into our mouths. When it was spent, he pulled back only long enough to pull the remains out and then kissed me, tongue working into my mouth and exploring. I grabbed his shirt and held him to me as I felt his hands grab my face. He rolled us, working the skirt of my dress up so I was the one now straddling him.

I felt a second pair of hands on me as Chris felt my thighs and traveled up, up, up. _That’s right_. I’d read somewhere that he was an ass man. How nice that they weren’t fighting over the same body part.

“I want one more body shot off of you, beautiful.”

I broke the kiss with Jeremy so I could answer him, shaking my ass in the process.

“Let me guess where you want it.”

“Yeah? You game?”

“Why not?”

Luckily, Jeremy knew he needed to move. Chris had me, ass up and head down on the couch in no time. I was glad I’d worn my cheekies today, plenty of flesh for him to use without me having to remove anything.

And did he ever use it.

He massaged and bit and licked to his heart’s content before dousing me with salt.

“When I’m done, I’m going to need you to flip over for the lime.”

“Whatever you need.”

He licked all the salt off and then poured more on. I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped me.

“Hey, not my fault you’ve got a gorgeous ass.”

“Nope, not your fault at all. That would be my fault.”

“This time, I’m going to want you to bite the lime. Don’t swallow, though.”

“Most guys like it when I swallow.”

I heard Jeremy’s laughter from behind Chris.

“She’s got you there, man.”

“Yeah, she does. This time, no swallowing. We’ll get you swallowing later.”

“Promises, promises.”

“No. That’s a fact.” He finished cleaning the salt off. “On your back, babe.”

I was having entirely too much fun with these two men. I was laughing right up until I bit the lime, juice running into my mouth. Chris was definitely creative in ways to get lime after tequila, and this was one I’d never tried before. I knew I’d be trying it again sometime.

I was sure someone was looking for them and our time together was coming to an end. I tried to sit up but Jeremy wouldn’t have it.

“Where do you think you’re going? Don’t I get one more?”

“Of course you do. I just don’t want you to be late to the taping, that’s all.” I’d started to pull my skirt down.

“Don’t you dare. On your side.” When I complied, he pulled my bottom leg out, exposing my inner thigh to him. He started tracing patterns with his fingertips and got the biggest shit-eating grin when he heard the sounds that came out of me.

“This okay, Lucy?”

“More than okay.”

He licked and he bit and he suckled on my thigh. I was pretty sure he was leaving marks on me, but I didn’t care.

“I wish I had more time with you.” He went back to licking me.

I grabbed the hand not holding my leg in place and started sucking on his fingers.

“Oh, fuck.” I knew Chris was paying attention.

It took a while, but Jeremy finally took his shot. There was no lime, this time, there was only his kiss, his tongue replacing his fingers, sharing the flavor of the tequila with me. He left his other hand on my thigh and I felt it stroking up, up, up…

The knock at the door startled all of us.

“Chris, Jeremy, you’ve got 5 minutes.”

We all looked at each other and started giggling. I stood to fix my dress. I figured, after everything we’d just done, I owed Chris.

“By the way, my friend from work? She calls you Captain Dorito.”

I was rewarded by one of his full body laughs.

“I think I’m gonna have that for the rest of my life. Hey, what are you doing after the show?”

“Going to dinner with a friend. By the way, what we just did in here, doesn’t go anywhere else.”

“She? Just the two of you?”

“Yes, Jeremy, just the two of us. She’s married, though.”

“Does that mean she’s not allowed to have dinner with a man other than her husband?”

“No, Chris, it doesn’t. I just don’t want there to be false expectations.”

“Why, what are you expecting?”

“I’m expecting absolutely nothing. If you want to join us, you’re welcome to. If not, that’s fine, too.” Who am I kidding!? I soooo wanted them to join us.

“Really, it’d be okay for us to tag along?”

“Sure, although, don’t you guys have a premiere to go to?”

“I saw it a couple of days ago. I don’t need to see it again” Jeremy sure was quick to answer.

“I can’t watch it in that kind of a setting. My family’ll be there, but I was planning on ducking out.”

“If you guys want to tag along you’re welcome to. I don’t know where we’re going, though. I will need someone’s number to let you guys know.”

“Let me have your phone.”

I unlocked it and handed it to Chris, who called his phone before handing it to Jeremy, who did the same. Chris grabbed the tequila bottle.

“Hold on, put it back on the table.”

I took a picture. When I glanced up, I saw confused looks.

“Profile photos. That way your face won’t pop up if you call.”

“When. When we call, or text.”

“Yeah, when.”

I saw a mirror on the back of the door and ventured a look. The best I could do was smooth out my dress. I took off the belt, readjusted, and put it back on, running my hands through my hair and rubbing a bit under my eyes, getting the flakes of mascara off. All in all, not too bad. Feasible for an end of the day, after work look.

“Ready to go? You guys are gonna be okay on camera, right?”

“Sure!”

“Never better!”

When we got back to the green room, I saw Tammy in the corner talking to ScarJo. When she saw who I walked in with, she started laughing. Scarlett looked over and then back at Tammy who told her something. They both had a good laugh. Tammy excused herself and came over to me.

“I _knew_ you were the one who’d gone off with them! I just knew it! What were you up to?”

“I am not answering that.”

Luckily, we were ushered out to the audience at that moment. I grabbed my bags and we headed to our seats. When we were filing in, one of the ushers tapped me on the shoulder.

“Are you here with someone?”

“My friend. Is something wrong?”

“Do you two want to sit down front?”

“Um, sure?”

As we got seated, I felt my phone buzz. The picture of the tequila bottle came up, with the letter ‘C’.

_Have you asked her yet? If we can join you for dinner?_

I showed her the text.

“Would you mind if two gentlemen joined us for dinner? They know you’re married so they won’t try anything. What do you say? Be my wingman?”

“Hell yeah.”

She gave me the name of the restaurant and I texted it to Chris, and then to Jeremy, in case they got separated somehow.

_See you in a couple hours. J_

_See you soon. C_

“What on earth did you do with those two?”

“Absolutely no comment.”

“What do you plan on doing with them?”

“Absolutely no comment.”

**Author's Note:**

> Reposting/Downloading:  
> Please do not repost or make these works available for downloading on any other site.


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